Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
