we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
