you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
