Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
