I cannot find my penis.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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