This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
