Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
