Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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