I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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