end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
