I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
