We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
