Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
