You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
