girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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