she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
