wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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