i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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