cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
