If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize