my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
