after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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