was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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