I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
