overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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