there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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