I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Verdict: uncircumcised.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
