at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
