TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
