i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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