Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
