matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
