he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
