Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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