Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
