We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
