i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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