The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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