I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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