Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
