I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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