There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
