the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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