So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
