I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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