No awkward lesbian experiences without me
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
