After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
