its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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