Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
