Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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