he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
