i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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