Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
