I bet he comes in French.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize