There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
