community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
