can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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