They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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