There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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