there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
