we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize