I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
