road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
