If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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