sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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