I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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