I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
