Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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